Where’s My Bailout?


Is a rat family living in here?

Is a rat family living in here?


I don’t get it. The banks have had their bailout dollars, the auto companies are petitioning for money, the real estate industry has its hand out, even Larry Flynt wants some of Uncle Sam’s dough. I, like many of my friends, all hardworking individuals who have paid their bills on time, kept up with mounting interest rates and the continual threat of layoff, simply wonder when the money will flow to us.

Specifically, I need a new couch! My nine-year-old loveseat, a formerly fabulous green leather setee, now sags lower than an overloaded station wagon on bad leafsprings, its foam innards peeking through popped seams resembling some sort of B-movie monster with bad teeth. Sitting on it has become more of an adventure than a relaxing event; you’re never sure if the springs will bite you in areas best left untouched, and the holes threaten to devour every last dime from your pocket.

So here’s my pitch to Congress: Bail out all those big fancy guys but if you’ve got a couple hundred to spare, could you send it my way so I can finally retire old Bessie?

I’d freecycle the darn thing but I’m afraid a small rat family will take up residence before the guy-who-promised-he’d-show-up-yesterday-for-sure-this-time turns up, if at all.


Published in: on 2009/04/30 at 3:17 pm  Comments (2)  
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